I was so motivated and focused all of last week and through the weekend. I felt generally hopeful, I felt like my creative juices were flowing; I was generally buzzing.
Today, I woke up feeling … none of that. It all just dissolved. Nothing happened between last night and this morning to trigger this (I mean, was asleep). I woke up, and I just felt like I’d suddenly stalled.
When this happens, and it happens to me quite often, I nearly always spiral. The cruddy thoughts slither in and they just keep on slitherin’…
“Told you it wouldn’t last.”
“This always happens.”
“Your motivation always fizzles out. Always. Why are you even surprised?“
Admittedly, I’ve grown accustomed to listening to these thoughts when they pop up. It sucks. It is also the #1 reason that I’ve always found it very hard to make changes in my life. Big or small. The second I stall, I allow my awareness to focus on the fact that I’ve stalled, and then I just turn inward and drown in my cruddy self-talk.
I will not give out tips on how to deal with this. I’m slowly finding ways, and I would love to share them some other time, but that isn’t the point of this post. I wanted to write about this simply because it happened. Finding my way to a better self requires that I continue coming terms with my bullshit whenever it presents itself.