Falling off-track!

Just some thoughts.

Before July 4th, I felt on and present and motivated. Then, the holiday and beachy time away that followed created a [fun] disruption in my routine, as did my [awesome] bridal shower this past weekend.

I like to reflect on instances like this because maybe then I can prevent Future Me from falling off-track again. So, the question is…. why do I seem to fall off-track even when the circumstances and my state of mind are positive?

The answer is… I give myself permission to. A switch seems to get flipped in my head sometimes when out-of-the-ordinary things are coming down the pike.

Oh, my bridal shower is coming up this weekend? I must think of nothing but that for the next few days so that I can mentally and physically prepare myself for it! Laundry needs doing? Nah– I will get it done after the shower.

Oh, we are going away this weekend? Welp, no point in cleaning the apartment now. And no point in following my usual routine if I’m in a different environment! That can all wait ’til I come back!

(EYE ROLL)

I’m all for allowing myself to chill and take a step back sometimes from routine, but I need to quit giving myself permission to do it at the drop of a hat. I sell myself short, really. I allow this weird self-talk to enter and convince myself that there’s not enough brain power in there to handle all of these situations all at once.

I know I’m better than that. There is no need for me to allow these disruptions in my routine. I can handle plenty. I have handled plenty.

Onward!

=)

Keeping my sh*t to myself.

Lately, I’ve really been enjoying NOT sharing my goals with my closest friends and family 🙂


A few weeks back, I told my boyfriend that for the time being, I’m going to shut up about the things I want to do or work on. I said that I’d rather keep those things to myself until I feel I’ve made some progress. He replied “Oh sh*t, I was just reading a similar thing on Reddit/LifeProTips about that!” He said that the Reddit user wrote about the idea that it’s often better to keep your goals a secret, at least until you’ve taken real action or have some results to share. I read the post and looked into the idea some more, and found that it was actually a thing. Don’t get me wrong, I was not about to think I came to this idea completely on my own. I’m sure I heard it in passing a while back and threw it onto the back burner [of my mind] until I was actually ready to receive it. Well, that time had come.

Photo by Gesina Kunkel

I shared with a friend that I would love to start exercising in the morning as soon as I wake up. I told her that I want to start waking up half an hour earlier than normal, throw on workout gear right away (because that’s what they all say to do), and do 10 minutes on the bike followed by some crunches and planks. I told her how excited I was, that I was going to start small and work my way up, and that it’s going to really improve my mornings and my mood. Yea, so, that was about about 2 months ago now and that morning exercise regimen has yet to exist.

This has been a common occurrence in my life. I get really amped up about the thing I want to do (e.g. eat healthier, save more money), I talk about it with people, and I begin to picture myself doing the thing. What happens then is that it starts to feel like it has already happened; like I’ve already started… and I am filled with happiness from this. I’m filled with pride. BUT WHY? I haven’t even done anything yet!

Visualization is a powerful tool. Many athletes and high-powered people use it daily to get what they want and get themselves where they want to be. It’s something many of us do without thinking, but when you do it intentionally and wield it in the right way, you can truly benefit from it. Go read about it; it’s cool.

What I came to know is that when I talk about the thing I want to do, that’s the moment it feels real and that’s the moment where I begin to unintentionally visualize it [aaaand cue the endorphins, cue the false sense of pride, prepare to fizzle out]. That’s when I decided to experiment with the idea of keeping my mouth shut. Instead of talking to my pals about the thing I want to do, I will wait and talk to them about the thing I’m doing. Instead of allowing myself to feel proud of something I haven’t even done yet, I’ll wait and save that delicious feeling for later when I truly deserve it.

Well, OF COURSE I had to wait a few weeks to write about this because I wanted to talk about it after doing it for a while. So far, I am so pleasantly surprised by how good this little change in behavior is for me. By not openly discussing something before I do it, I keep myself from accidentally unlocking those feelings of pride, and that drive to actually get started remains in tact and gets me going.

=)

Stalled.

I was so motivated and focused all of last week and through the weekend. I felt generally hopeful, I felt like my creative juices were flowing; I was generally buzzing.

Today, I woke up feeling … none of that. It all just dissolved. Nothing happened between last night and this morning to trigger this (I mean, was asleep). I woke up, and I just felt like I’d suddenly stalled.

When this happens, and it happens to me quite often, I nearly always spiral. The cruddy thoughts slither in and they just keep on slitherin’…

“Told you it wouldn’t last.”

“This always happens.”

“Your motivation always fizzles out. Always. Why are you even surprised?

Admittedly, I’ve grown accustomed to listening to these thoughts when they pop up. It sucks. It is also the #1 reason that I’ve always found it very hard to make changes in my life. Big or small. The second I stall, I allow my awareness to focus on the fact that I’ve stalled, and then I just turn inward and drown in my cruddy self-talk.

I will not give out tips on how to deal with this. I’m slowly finding ways, and I would love to share them some other time, but that isn’t the point of this post. I wanted to write about this simply because it happened. Finding my way to a better self requires that I continue coming terms with my bullshit whenever it presents itself.

=)