Yesterday at work, I had to get up to do something after I’d been sitting at the computer for roughly 30 mins straight. Truthfully, I barely remember the task I needed to get up to accomplish, but I do remember the energy it took to get out of the damn chair. I also remember the thoughts going through my head right before I got up. I’d been trying to convince myself that I didn’t need to get up just then…
“You can probably just do it later, it doesn’t need to get done now.”
“Maybe you can ask so-and-so to do it, it doesn’t really have to be you.”
“I am just tired, I didn’t sleep very well last night, I should give myself a break!”
Wow. It’s remarkable what my brain will come up with to keep me from doing things that I have to do. Is it laziness? Some might call it that, but I don’t. I know lazy, I’ve been lazy, and these instances are not instances of lazy for me. It is a fear of beginning. No matter how simple the task, no matter how quickly it can be completed, I just don’t want to begin it because it’s new and it’s different from the now.
I launched myself out of the chair with so much force; it felt as if the chair itself came alive and was throwing me off of it. I said “OH SHUT UP” to those hesitant, fearful thoughts buzzing around my mind and forced myself up. And then everything was fine. The whole experience was probably about 8 seconds from start to finish, but it stuck with me because it is such a perfect example of beginnings.
I want this blog to be a genuine reflection and expression of one person launching themselves up and out of their comfort zones (of which there are many) in order to change into the person they want to be. It’s happening little by little, but it is happening.
=)
Slow To Change 