(Advice I need to get better at following.)
My wedding is next month. We’re planning it and paying for everything ourselves, and so there’s been lots of logistical crap to figure out and a bunch of loose ends to tie up. The stress of it all PLUS normal stressors like work and life in general caught up to me [seemingly] out of nowhere. It hit me hard, friends. It hit me hard.
On top of all of the “to-dos” and general anxieties, I also had feelings of guilt. I’d been feeling like I’ve been an inattentive daughter/friend/sis/partner because my focus has been on this one big thing. My solution, of course, was to write all of this down. This practice usually suits me fine, but it just didn’t cut it. I did not feel better. I just felt alone and chaotic.
So, one day last week, I reached a sort-of boiling point and decided to call my mom. I cried into the phone and expressed everything to her. She calmly and lovingly told me that I needed to stop feeling guilty and that the people I love understand what I’ve got on my plate at this moment in time. She told me that what I felt was perfectly normal, temporary, and that I needed to stop being so hard on myself. At the end, she even added that from her point of view, I’ve been dealing extremely well with all of this wedding-related stress. (Bless her heart.)
A journal or list can’t say that kind of stuff to me. They can’t give me that type of attention and comfort. They can’t give me that additional point of view so clearly. I needed to hear all those things from someone I trust.
I’m not sure why, time and time again, I let myself forget how important it is to share what I’m feeling with others. I’m better at it than I used to be, but it’s still a work-in-progress situation. Perhaps writing this post and having it floating out in the ether will help me to remember.